"How much do I give?" is one of the most debated questions in wedding season. Guests in New Jersey have been arguing it publicly this month, and the honest answer is that there is no single correct number. There are, however, useful ways to decide without overspending or feeling awkward. If you are a couple, this is also worth reading so you understand what your guests are weighing.
What the numbers actually say
Figures are surprisingly hard to pin down. A Tendr analysis reported by Time in June 2017 found the national average wedding gift in 2016 was $160, and the New Jersey average was $198. That data is old, so treat it as a rough benchmark, not a rule.
Fidelity's money guide notes there is no universally agreed standard amount. It says that closeness to the couple matters, and that you should give what feels right rather than what you think is expected.
The old "cover your plate" rule
You may have heard that your gift should cover what the couple spent on your meal. Several etiquette voices have called that rule outdated, and it puts guests in the odd position of guessing the couple's catering bill. Use it, if at all, as one input and not the answer.
What actually should drive your number
1. Your budget first
Your gift should never strain your finances, especially if you are also paying for travel, a hotel, an outfit, or a bachelorette trip. A thoughtful small gift beats a generous one that causes stress.
2. Your relationship
Close family and best friends may give more. A coworker or a distant cousin can give less. That is normal and nobody is keeping score.
3. Your total cost of attending
If you are flying in and booking a hotel, that is already a significant gift of time and money. Many etiquette writers say couples understand this.
4. Whether you are alone or with a guest
Many guests give a single gift per household. If the couple invited you and a plus-one, a combined gift is typical.
5. Local and cultural custom
In some communities and families, cash gifts are expected and amounts follow tradition. If you are unsure, ask a mutual friend or family member what is customary.
Ideas when the budget is tight
- Go in on a group gift with other guests.
- Choose a smaller meaningful item from the couple's list, if they have one on an outside site.
- Write a heartfelt note; many couples keep these.
- Offer your time: help with setup, a ride, or a day-after brunch.
A quick decision checklist for guests
- ☐ Decide the most you are comfortable spending
- ☐ Add up travel, lodging and outfit costs
- ☐ Check whether the couple has a registry or cash fund (on an outside service)
- ☐ Consider a group gift
- ☐ Ask a mutual friend about local custom if unsure
- ☐ Write a personal note
- ☐ Send or bring the gift within the first few weeks of the wedding, in line with etiquette
A note for couples
If you want to guide guests, keep it simple and kind. Wedflip does not have a registry or cash funds, so if you want to share gift preferences, link to an outside registry or fund from your site, and keep the wording gentle. Our guide on asking for cash instead of gifts has wording ideas, and guest costs in 2026 explains what guests are already spending.
Your wedding website is also where guests look first for dates, dress code and logistics. With Wedflip you can edit details once and every guest opening your link sees the update, with RSVPs and your guest list in one dashboard. A free 30-day trial lets you try it; Plus is $15 one-time (online for 1 year) and Pro is $29 one-time (online forever), with no subscriptions.
Use code WEDSEASON30 for 30% off Plus or Pro.
FAQ
Is $100 enough for a wedding gift? There is no universal minimum. Many etiquette sources say to give what fits your budget and your closeness to the couple.
Do I have to give more if the wedding is expensive? Not necessarily. Guides call the "cover your plate" rule outdated, and your own finances come first.
Is it okay to skip a gift if I'm traveling far? Many etiquette writers say the cost of travel is a gift in itself, though a card or small token is still a kind gesture.
How long do I have to send a gift? Etiquette commonly allows a few weeks, and many say up to a year after the wedding. Sooner is appreciated.
Sources: Time, Tendr wedding gift data, June 15, 2017; Fidelity, How much to give at a wedding; NJ 101.5, How much should you spend on a wedding gift in NJ?.
